Dreams are dreams, life and death.
crashfennec
So I had the most enthralling dream this morning. I had a very lucid dream and I think it's one of the most memorable I'll have in a while. 

I have a very overactive mind at times. I really hope you guys enjoy this because I know I did and I really feel like this is like a short story or something but it was awesome and it was all in dream. 

So to begin then. 

Chapter I 


I was with my mom and sister when we arrived at a little hotel that looked like it came from the fifties it was very art deco with some modern additions, to put it easily some of the building looked like it was very "sustainable". So we walked in and it was all fine and nice on the inside. I walked around and wondered some to see the rest of the place before we ventured further. My mom was with the clerk at the desk getting our names and keys. My sister was texting her b/f. I was walking down the hall and noticed some weird things. I saw that the people there looked...disconnected, socially and mentally. They didn't look like they were thinking. I was stopped by a lady who had asked me my name and before I could tell her, she had walked away, uninterested. I then walked back to my mom, freaked out by the fact that the woman just about-faced me and left. I asked my mom if she noticed anything weird about the clerk. She said "nothing was the matter with him." Then she had asked me what was wrong? I just said "nothing, it's nothing." 

Chapter II 


We waked to our room and we found our room. We were on the first floor of this hotel and it felt like we had the entire wing to ourselves. I told my mom that I'd be back in a few, I wanted to wander some more, get a better grip of the surroundings. She said "ok". I walked out and proceeded down the rest of the hall which made a right turn after our room. I walked down then I heard some chatter in the room I started walking towards. I heard. "Are they here yet?" A deeper voice said "Yes, they are". Then the other voice before it said "Good!" Then as soon as I heard that I went back to my room I didn't want to even lean in to the two mens' conversation. I headed back to my room and slid the key. 

Chapter III

I walked in to find no one in the room. How could they have gone so fast . I wasn't even gone for more than a few minutes. Even so they didn't even tell me that they were going anywhere. I proceeded to call my Mom then my sister...no one answered. I was kind of worried, as if events that had took place already weren't freaking me out as it is. I decided to walk around some more and search. I went out back to the pool area and saw not a pool, but these chambers that were octangular shaped and the size of a body. They were sea foam green colored. I was a bit disturbed and a chill ran down my spine I don't know what this was about but when I walked further into this I was stunned and felt a rush of searing hot pain in my leg and nothing but white enveloped me. I wokke up on a plastic like rectangle. I was in some weird place. It looked like this. 

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Except this was submerged underwater and some of the blocks were sticking out of the water. I don't know why it looked like the Time Trial maps from Mirrors Edge...but they did, sort of. I looked around me and all I could see was blue...water...blue sky with some white clouds and the sun. All I heard was the water hit up against the blocks and I sat there in amazement at my surroundings. 

Chapter V

I stood up and realized that this was like a puzzle something in my head triggered and I realized I was here for a reason. I had to solve this. Placing all the events in font of me and figuring out what I had to find I knew it was simple, this is a test to find my family. I dove into the crystal clear water and felt a surge of shock all around me the water was cold and refreshing to the feel. I soon as I started looking there were little clues that starting floating up from what looked like a bottomless ocean of light blue. My sister's cell phone was one of the things to pop up and then later on a few miles in were my mom's sunglasses. I saw something in the distance it was something red, bright red. It looked like a block it started coming closer to me and i was floating there, nervous. I didn't want to mess with it so I turned the other way and started swimming then it just appeared in front of me again. I went the other way and it appeared again. I just then realized maybe I should touch it. Then I did and I was surrounded by white light again then woke up in the real world again. I was at a pool side and my leg was throbbing. I thought I was transported to yet another pace but it was the hotel, only now there were no pods of sea foam green lined back here. 

Chapter VI

I got up an saw some people at the pool starring blankly at me. I then got up and regained my composure. I walked inside and went straight to my room o find my mom and sister there. My sister, on her phone texting her b/f again. My mom Just fresh from the shower and ready to hit the bar or something after a nice dip in the pool. My sister asked me where have I been? I just reply with "I think I just died". My mom had the most confused and disturbed look on her face and I had asked her if she saw me at the pool lying on the side of it and she said no. There was a knock at the door. My mom opened it ...it was two men. They asked for my mom and sister...and I realized who these men where ...they were the ones chatting in that room that I had waked to. I got up from the bed and found that my leg was all cleared up. I asked them why did they need my family and they said that it was none of my business. I saw him take something out of his pocket that looked like a weapon and I didn't want any of it so I dashed for the first guy and his are extended and he whipped me across the room with it. My mom and sis were screaming and they were both taken away I couldn't get up in time but when I did I rushed to the door and there were hotel workers and tourists waiting for me. I started fighting my way through. The clerk was there too. They all looked robotic like cyborgs and then it hit me...that's what they were that's what the pods were for ...there "charging statins/creation pods" or something like that. I just knew that there had to be a way out so I started fighting and dodging my way out of their view. Using everything I could find as a weapon. Then I got to a room where I heard muffled yelling and opened the door. It was my mom and sister. they were okay and I took them out of the room and we started to walk out of the lobby. I asked her if the men did anything to her or my sis and she said no. They were fine and we left that place, never to return. 

There you go guys. I don't know why my dream was like this but it was and I don't know why it ended the way it did. Just hope it's an interesting read. :D 

FG and ME!
crashfennec

I am done.
crashfennec
Well...just going to keep this short...I will wright more in detail when there is time to think and what not.

Nuka and I are no longer together. I feel we have two different views on a relationship. Also I know wtaht there are things that I have done that I know were wrong and were one of the few of the things that led to our demise. We both fucked up in our parts and I am aware of what I have done especially. No I didn't cheat or anything on him. It's nothing that severe, although still bad enough to loose his trust in a lot of things.

I am dealing and will continue to focus on schoolwork. We are still going t o be friends but in due time...right now is the healing process and that may take quiet a bit of time to do. I don't wanna loose him as a friend or anything because we've been through so much and have shared so much and I know so much about him I don't wanna throw that away. It just wasn't truly meant to be. I still care for him as a friend and will continue to do so. He influenced my life in ways I can't thank him enough for but maybe we are just better off as friends and nothing more.

I guess I truly didn't see the error of my ways until it was too late. Well I see now and I plan on not making those mistakes again...in the future...but for now ...I don't see anything but friendship and healing.

To whoever reads this he is not a monster and I am not either....we just had to part ways in terms of a relationship.

SO MUCH FOR KEEPING THIS SHORT. sorry guys :C

On choosing.
crashfennec
I am gonna start this off with I know I have made some mistakes and I know that I can be a better person ...this goes to mention that I am NOT a bad person ...but somethings I have been doing have been brought to my attention. I know that I have been ka douche recently and I am sorry for that and I am at least smart enough to know this.

I have been treating some old friends like crap and they have made me well aware of it. For that I am shame full and very sorry for. I didn't think I would ever hurt friends this way in any manor. I always view my friends as the closest thing to me, next to family. I would never want to hurt them and saying that I know what I did and I am paying the penalty for it.

I want to appoligize to all my firends that I have effected this past few weeks and I am bearing my heart into this that I am so sorry to act this way upon you all. I know when I am at fault and although I sometimes deny it to look right. I konw deep down that I am at fault for things that come up in arguments.

I have a big choice to make. This has to do with my mate and I.
Fix what I messed up or move on.

I know I have been very paranoid in the past with him and other people. I have made an effort this summer to get over that and I am proud to say that I am over it fully. He has noticed this dramatic improvement too. I care for him that much that I can fix my own major problems and prove to him that I can do this for him.

Now why is this time, this second major choice so hard? 
I think I have caused way too much damage for one to fix what has been damaged. I get angry a lot when I argue with him but who can blame me. Everyone gets mad. I just notice too thatI lash out at him for no reason and it's not like a severe yelling it's more of me being a smart ass or just saying dick things. This isn't who I was and who I want to be. I don't konw hwat has changed me. I just know that I want it fixed. I am willing to try and fix things. I know that I act different around newer friends..I get excited when I meet new people and I see that it doesn't come off positively. I know I have some bugs to fix in me and I am making an effort too..this is just going to mtkae more time than I think I need and I don't know how long until an answer but I need to fix this for him and mostly for me.

Also what is making this harder is how can someone say "I don't feel as much love from you as I used to" and not expect an upset feeling in ones stomach. It seems "I love you" isn't enough anymore. I have meant everything I said to him and I mean what I say and it comes out full heartedly. Don't think of him as being selfish or what not...I know what he means and it's from some of the issues listed above. I just wasn't expecting that kind of answer and I wasn't sure how to react. I wason the verge of tears when he told me taht and I had to leave right away.

I don't know there is something else too...something that shocked me more than anything before. That when I read the email he sent me ...I didn't freak out at all, not in the slightest. I guess I knew this was coming? I just decided if it's not gonna work then it's not gonna work...this was at the time of reading the email. I decided to put things in front of me, sit back and put things into retrospect. I have been looking at all the times and things we have gone through and how we stuck them out together. About a year is a good enough time to know someone especially if you have lived with them through most of it.

I conclusion I am sad to say that I just may have or am about to loose the one person that has cared for me as much as my mom does.
If I do decide to end it I will be happy that I at least got to share my  time with him and that it wasn't a waste of time in my eyes. I was able to grow as an individual and as a whole.

For the time being I need to detach myself from things (for example: at the moment I don't consider us on "mate" terms. I am just a friend as of now.) I don't see this as something utterly negative but more of a better way of looking back and really thinking. Without having that intense of an emotional attachment. In turn I hope this doesn't damage anything further in me being technically "single" and feeling how it is to be that way once again. That is not how I see it. We are on hietus. We are just friends and will be good friends through what we know about eachother. Until I feel like I truly deserve your love again. You don't deserve the shit I put you through and this is the best way for me to decide.

Until I can fully understand things this is how it will stand for now. I hope all of you can understand this and give me any advice you can.
Mostly I hope my mate can understand. I konw what I have done wrong and I am doing right by working things to be right.
Distance isn't always a bad things it gives us time to truly reflect on a situation.

Love you all,
Marc/Crashfennec.

School...for the last time.
crashfennec
Well I never thought this day would come soon enough. The thoght dawned on me today that wow....this is my last year in College....I can't believ it. So yeah coming to terms with that this year will be going even faster than all my previous years have gone before. I am lucky to have such freinds and family that believe in me and what I do and for the pat few months have understood and were open enough to understand the changes that I've been going through, mentally, physically and all around. I am looking forward to starting school again...this one final time and getting through all my classes with great marks and in the end knowing thatI am successful and determined. I am grateful for the love that I have he has been everything to me form the moment I met him I know that we would be together for a long time. He just owrks for me and I work for him. We get along so well and I feel so comfortable around him...from when he walks into the roomI feel so at piece it's amazing. I am truly blessed to have someone like him in my life...you now I'm talking about you. <3 Though we've had our rough times and our fights It has only made us closer together...even the short breaks that we have from school ending and being apart...coming back to see you makes my love for you magnify and intensify with every time we reunite. I love you so much and I don't know where I would be with out your support. In a way...I look up to you too. There is more to this I just can't put it in words just yet. Give it time....and I will explain this to you someday. Just know that in a way you are my role model as well as a friend and lover. I look forward to the school year to see you again and hopefully we won't have to part again for break after this school year.

I know this turned iinto something else from the beginning of this writing to know. I just don't plan out things like this...things that come from the heart...they just flow and flow and ruse to the top of my thoughts until they come out like words, beautiful, heart-felt words. Love you lots and I always will. "Whatever the hell happens I'll love you hardcore, no mater what!" :3

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